Sunday, March 13, 2011
We have completed our first week as a family of five and it went really well! Allie has adjusted wonderfully -- much faster than we expected. She sleeps about 12 hours each night without waking up (beginning at 8:30 p.m.). This allows me to take the boys to school in the morning by 8 a.m. and get back just in time to clean up from breakfast, start a load of laundry, and then wake up Ms. Allie. She also takes two 1 1/2 naps each day at 10:30 and 3:30. She is a happy little girl and she is really starting to attach to Adam too. This weekend has been great bonding time for them and today she reached out and cried for him to hold her (while I was holding her). It was wonderful!
We also saw another great sign tonight when Grandpa Fischer was playing with her a little while she was in her high chair. After a few minutes she started fussing and held up her arms for me. I wasn't standing right there or anything, Jim was. One day she will cry for grandpa but it was awesome that even with someone right in front of her, she was crying for me. That is great, great progress!!
The hard part about the bonding process is the fact that she wants us all of the time. This week, even though she adjusted perfectly, and I was getting more sleep than ever -- I was overwhelmed. Honestly, I broke down a few times on Friday. I was exhausted. I felt like I couldn't get anything done. I didn't know how to carry a load of laundry up the stairs with her too. I didn't know how to fix myself lunch or breakfast when I had to tend to her the whole time. BY CHOICE, since I work part-time, I have always been adamant about cleaning the inside of the house, taking care of all of the yard work, doing the business and personal finances, as well as working a part-time job. This is my CHOICE and Adam steps in whenever I ask him too. However, this week I was completely overwhelmed and not understanding how I could do any of those tasks let alone all of them. I was putting so much pressure on myself.
However on Saturday I woke up with so much energy. It finally occurred to me that just because I stopped puking early Tuesday a.m. didn't mean that my body just got back to normal immediately. I'm dealing with jet lag and getting over 3 days of some sort of stomach flu/food poisoning. I was trying to ignore those things and just try to jump back into my normal life. And what has my normal life looked like pre-Allie? It is busy, busy, busy - not with obligations, just with "stuff". Ever since the boys started full-time kindergarten I have "busied" myself every minute that they are at school. I missed them terribly and that is how I coped. I don't sleep much when I have anxiety, but for the past 9 months I stopped sleeping to the point that Adam told me I needed to go to the doctor to be treated for insomnia. In January when I left Allie the first time I made myself even busier to the point that an outsider probably thought I was on crack. :-) Before we left to pick her up I couldn't even sit down and watch one of my tv shows because I thought I had no time and I wouldn't be able to concentrate on it because I'm sure there were some baseboards that needed polishing. My house and yard had never looked better, but I now realize I was doing all of this to avoid emotions.
So Saturday when I woke up feeling refreshed I started processing the past 9 months of my life. I realized that all of my "busying" isn't necessary. I am not trying to meet deadlines for work. I don't have to do all of this stuff. I was simply coping. I need to slow down. I need to enjoy this. And that's what I did this weekend. We had a great time bonding with Allie and I got some laundry done too! No baseboards were cleaned and yet my life didn't fall apart because of it. :-) I actually read some of my book this morning while Allie played on the floor by me. I would read a little, play with her a little, read a little, etc. Reading is my glass of wine. I miss it! As for sleep, that hasn't been an issue since we got home from Ethiopia. I'm sleeping 7-8 hours a night now without any help from Tylenol PM. Amazing!
We've also had so much fun as a family this week. We've gone to the park a few times, had a picnic one night, went bike riding, went to the mall, spent some time with family (including Adam's cousin and cousin's girlfriend (Damon & Amanda) who drove here from Indiana), and the boys also started t-ball practice. It is nice to be able to stop and enjoy life right now. I'm not waiting for my little girl to get here. Our family is complete . . . for now! Ha! Things are going better than we had hoped for. We are so happy!
P.S. No word on Allie's test results yet.