Adam called me fat

Over the past few years, we have had a lot of ups and downs, and I've been open to sharing them with my friends, family, and clients. I'm not worried about anyone judging me. My "judgmental" opinion is that the people that loudly judge everyone, while keeping their own faults private, are usually the miserable ones anyone.

One thing I have learned I can't fake is being fat. I'm fat. I know it. I want to be skinny, but right now I'm not. One day I was trying on an outfit and I asked Adam if the shirt made me look fat. He hemmed and hawed and then said, "Honey, the shirt doesn't make you look fat. You being fat makes you look fat." Gasp! In our marriage, it wasn't shocking and didn't upset me -- I laughed. You see, Adam is right. I was trying to fake something I wasn't. No matter what I wear, I'm not going to fool anyone into thinking my body is the same as Cindy Crawford's. (By the way, Adam read this and said "Cindy Crawford? Really? That's who you pick?" I said her name was the first I thought of. Adam said Jennifer Aniston is better. Hmm should I worry? Ha!) Adam is blunt like myself and it works well in our marriage. He isn't fake with me. If you ask him if he has an obese wife, he'd say yes. But everyday he tells me how beautiful I am. That isn't fake.

I've had someone tell me that I should get skinnier during our adoption process to be able to be a better mom for when we would bring Allie home. I'm a good mom. Being skinny doesn't make you a good mom. I run on the treadmill. I bike, run, skate, etc. with my kids. I'm a good mom, and my weight has not hindered my playtime with my children.

However, I'm not setting a good example. I want teach my kids that they just need to keep trying their hardest and they will get better. We preach that over and over and over again. No matter how frustrating, just keep trying -- your hardest. I've been "trying" for the last 6 years -- but not my hardest. I try to diet and sometimes I lose 30 pounds, and sometimes I quit after being on a diet for 3 hours. There are so many excuses -- and I HATE when people give excuses. So why do I feel it is okay to keep giving excuses? Why do I keep telling my kids to try and they'll get better, when I'm not practicing what I preach?

Even worse, I have a hormone problem that mimics diabetes and there is a very, very high chance of me being diabetic at a very young age. In just a couple of years, my doctor will test me once a year and then start twice a year. I've known this since I was 23. It isn't news to me. But yet, if I'm being honest, I'm jeopardizing my future with my family for instant gratification at In-N-Out Burger. I don't want to be that person. I may not be able to prevent the early diabetes with PCOS, but my doctor said that getting the weight off will definitely help me. He said I'd struggle with it my entire life, but the less I weigh the less my symptoms will be. (Jillian from the Biggest Loser said practically the same thing -- and she knows everything. :-)

I'm not perfect. I never will be nor do I want to be and nor do I want to portray that I am. However I am very self-reflective and I am always trying to be a better person, and rid my life of negative. So in my life right now, this is what I struggle with the most. This is what I need to work on. And I have tried so many different diets, but I've never tried just getting it out in the open and asking for support and accountability. Tomorrow, Wednesday, I will start part one of the 17 Day Diet. While I won't be skinny in 17 days, I will have met my first goal of just simply being on a super strict diet for 17 days. If I can't stick to something for just 17 days, what example am I giving my children when skateboarding gets hard? School gets hard?

17 days. I can do this.

Family & Football

The boys started playing flag football this last week, and my parents were here to see the first game! In addition to football, we went on bike rides; went to the park a few times; played at a few splash pads; and Grandpa even took them to see the Smurf movie. The boys love when their grandparents come to visit, and we were all so sad to see them leave. Here are a few pictures of the past week:

Cutest Raiders cheerleader ever!

Wes is the official center for the team

Coach Justin is AMAZING! In addition to being good friends with their family,
he has coached the boys in soccer too and he is just an amazing, amazing coach.

PLAYING AT THE PARKS:
We have a great city park that is across the street from our neighborhood. It has several large playgrounds, a skate park, baseball diamond, bike riding bath, volleyball courts, and a splash pad. Grandma and Grandpa took the kids on a bike ride to the park a few times while they were visiting. The boys are really enjoying all of the amenities that surround our new house. Football practice is 1/2 mile away at a field in our neighborhood and we usually ride bikes or take the golf cart there.

Allie LOVES water -- especially the splash pads.

She was so mad when we made her leave.

Calvin is great at climbing the rock walls.

Allie yelling "GO!" She also says other little words like "thank you" and "ut-oh"

BIKES & GOLF CARTING:

Wiped out!

Sweet Mamma!

Here are some recent pictures of our lil' mamma. Or -- as Calvin likes to call her now "Little Miss".

Pigtails!

Look at that hair!!

Not wanting to pose for her "first time wearing jeans" picture.
Believe it or not, she does frown sometimes.

Spittin' Image

We have been really busy the past few weeks with painting the new house and moving, so I have gotten behind on the blog entries.

A few weeks ago Adam's dad sent us a picture of Adam in first grade. It is shocking how much it looks like Calvin. In fact, when we asked the boys who was in the picture, Calvin thought it was himself. Everyone always talks about how Wes looks just like me and Calvin looks just like Adam. The boys' pediatrician was talking about it to a new doctor when we were there in July (without Adam). He said he doesn't have another set of twins where one looks just like mom and one looks just like dad. So, I thought I'd post the proof: